Kalmistu (Kalmistu)

Cemetery, graveyard, burial ground, churchyard. Kalm, a grave, spirit of a dead person, or ruler of the land of the dead in Estonian mythography, may be related to koolma, a very old FU word for to die, and not to die for. Kalma is also the Finnish goddess of death, rotting flesh and decay, her name morphing into meaning ‘stench of corpses’, and is reported to rove upon odors like a puff of smoke. Her father is Tuoni, ruler of the FU underworld (see Kure and Toonela) and her mother Tuonetar, reputed for her beer made from such tasty ingredients as frogspawn, adders, lizards, worms, etc. She has several sisters: Kipu-Tyttö (‘pain-girl’, goddess of terminal illness), Kivutar (sometimes considered to be Väinämöinen’s daughter), Vammatar (goddess of pain, suffering and misfortune; vamma in modern Finnish means trauma or disability and vamm in Estonian means dry rot, and the –tar ending deriving from an FU term for daughter, e.g. Estonian tütar, and one wonders whether Borat Subsequent Moviefilm borrowed this for Maria Bakalova’s character), and Loviatar (aka Louhiatar, etc., goddess of plagues, perhaps a variation or daughter of Louhi, goddess of sorcery). Impregnated by the wind, Loviatar popped out nine strapping lads: Pistos (consumption), Ähky (colic), Luuvalo (gout), Riisi (rickets), Paise (ulcer), Rupi (scabs), Syöjä (cancer), Rutto (plague), and the last, “he who must not be named”, personifying envy. Kalma is protected by Surma (see Näsiniine), a northern mix of Cerebus and Medusa, a dog-like chimera with a snake’s tail, capable of turning you to stone with a stare and whose name means ‘violent death’. Altogether a charming family. Alternative names for cemetery include Surnuaed or garden of death and Luudemägi, mountain of bones... Also fun. Known for a very short while (1966) as Liivakalmistu. A propos, Liiva Hannus, John o’Sand, Sandy John, is another name for everyone’s best friend (always there at the last): the Grim Reaper.